well i should just give up giving my eating disorder up, did that make any sense?  every time i give it up, i just end up coming back to it.  so i give up.

i've spent the last 5 months trying to be healthy.  like EATING (healthily may i add!!) and quitting smoking.  and 5 months later, im right back where i started, smoking and purging.  no change there!!

i think i need therapy.

recently i read this article from cosmo or something about BODY IMAGE DISORDER, where you look in a mirror and you literally see a monster, and not yourself. im not saying this because i think i have it, i just think it is the weirdest medical disorder someone could have!

so i started purging again. and its bad because i have my grade 8 singing next week. :(

anyways my lovelies i hope you are still there for me! going to upload some fabulous thinspo tomorrow!

♥

here ends the 24 hour fast!!!  yay i did it.

i had:

• 3 milk tea
• 1 herbal tea
• LOADS of water
• 1 coffee

i didn't break the rules!!

AND i didnt purge :)  this may not sound much but its an achievement!!

i don't know how but i got so behind in my school work, got so much to catch up on tonight.. what an exciting evening.

Thinspo: the before and after of GIRLS ALOUD

BEFORE









AFTER










♥

i appreciate all your lovely comments!!  i am really going to try to stop purging i promise!!  i know its really bad for you, and its really hypocritical of me because i got really mad at my friend when she was bullemic!

love you girls!

I have figured out a plan (me and my plans haha) to stop me from purging.

• drink a bottle of water when:
• i first get up
• at 10am
• at 1pm
• at 3pm
  
• at 5.45pm
  
• at 7pm

this might seem a bit weird, but that's the time periods when i am most likely to eat and with a stomach full of water i wont!  i'll tell you if this works out...

Thinspo - who wants summer??? cos i do!
 



♥

finally we have to go to school. no more snow days!!

b - coffee and tea
l - (hopefully skip)
d - (hopefully skip as well....)

how are you my girlies??

thinspo:

i love what she's wearing!

♥

my scales are crappp.   i've just realised that it's not accurate if you weigh yourself on carpet, it has to be on hard ground.  so all the digits i got before is probably wrong.  so in reality the scales aren't crap, I'm just stupid :)

i've got some questions:

1. how do i put a background on to xanga?? i've got that funny theme thing...
2. where do i get good diet pills online or in england?

so... last night was another disaster!! i just can't resist chocolate.  there was a chocolate fondue.  i mean wtf is a fondue doing here?? i saw melting chocolate and the rest is history.  i binged and purged.

I MUST NOT EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN!!!!

I'm quite worried about this weekend at barcellona.... eating-wise... cos both my friends, they notice about eating habits. A LOT.  mainly because they have strange eating habits as well... so... ooh well i'll just have to deal with them.  this weekend i am not going over 600kcal a day.  No way.  yesterday was bad enough.

anyways i promise to upload pictures!!! they'll be thinspo as well if my friends are in them cos they've got such skinny legs.

some tips:

• drink tea! i love tea personally.  hot/warm tea suppresses your appetite.
  

b -
l -
s -

update later with thinspo

my scales are sooo confusing... i had to weigh myself like 10 times before it got consistent... it was like 121 (i was like SHIT SHIT SHIT) and then 119, then 117... hmmm....

my plan of today is to eat at little as possible (as usual), im wearing this really tight belt so i'll remember NOT to eat... hope it works!! ---->



(sorry about the poor picture quality, my phone camera is shit...

update later!! got to tell you about last night dinner... it was a disaster.

EDIT: so here comes the story of last night's dinner.  I went to the dinning hall after drinking loads of water, hoping that that'd stop me from eating.  it was fine at first, i got some salad and was just nibbling on it and talking to people.   then my friend starting eating scones and cream and strawberry jam.  i have a soft spot for scones with cream and jam!! its like my favourite, even tho its soooooooo fattening.  i thought i can do this, just dont look at her... but then i gave in and ate like 4 or something ridiculous. my friends all thought i was going crazy cos i kept of stuffing my face... argh so embarassing!

and then when i realised how fattening that must be (ALL THAT WHIPPED CREAM!!!!) i purged... it was horrible, i havent purged in sooo long... i hate purging as well, makes me feel all bloated in my face...

anyways, so that's taught me a good lesson!!

b - 1 rice cake + coffee + tea - 60kcal
l - skipped
snack - half an orange 30kcal
d - quorn curry + salad + orange - 200kcal

DAMAGE = 290kcal

♥

EDIT: omg omg omg i had ice cream today.... its soo bad i know. i was just shopping with my friend, and she said "lets have pistachio ice cream like we always do when we go shopping!!" and it was hard to resist.  i gave it.  and i ate loads at dinner cos my sis cooked and i felt bad cos she NEVER cooks. sighhh i'll tell you guys my weight tomorrow.... i'm worried!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeh i was gonna have sushi right?? i ended up having 4 of the ones with RICE in them. arghhh i just kept on eating.  and then i had a malteaser.  i promised myself i wouldnt have chocolate!!!! gahh i know its only 1 but still i broke my promise.

i'll have to start again... i think i've gained but i dont know, i'll update tomorrow.  I'll probably start a fast tomorrow as well.

so this weekend hasnt been THAT great, i got to see my friend that i havent seen for ages tho, it was nice catching up, and we're planning a trip to go to somewhere in greece this summer (already i know hehe) so i have to get super skinny for it!!!

b - coffee
l - hopefully nothing...
d - TBC

Thinspo - lovely models and dresses!!

I LOVE THIS DRESS!!

HER LEGS.

lost another pound!! but im sooo ill, i developed this cough yesterday, it is awful i feel like im coughing my lungs out. arghh i hate being ill cos i cant exercise!!

anyways, my exam was horrible but its over now so im not going to think about it. ive got my last exam next week. so more revision this weekend..

im getting a haircut tomorrow, im quite excited about that lol cos my hair is soo horrible lately, all the layers have grown out. and then im meeting up with my friend and going to a tattoo place with her for them to draw a template. im soo jealous she's getting a tattoo!! i really want one... maybe when in under 100 i'll get one....

so what are you girls up to this weekend??

b - Coffee, tea, pineapple - 100kcal
l - salad - 200kcal
d - rice with prawns - quite a lot i think :(

Thinspo - mary kate olsen (i want her legs, shoes and handbags!!!!)

♥

lost 1.8 pounds!!! i have NO idea how cos i wasnt fasting, or doing loads of exercise... maybe its cos i was ill and had no appetite... anyhow im happy!! but i dont want to jinx it so it'd stop dropping...

ORANGE is a life saver!! whenever i feel myself reaching for chocolates or biscuits, if i eat an orange i just dont feel like eating anything else... i think its the peeling and the aftertaste... AND it gives my vitamin C which hopefully will help me get better!!!

my stomach is grumbling and its only 10.30... arghhh i have to go to biology class, i have a biology exam tomorrow. =(

EDIT
b - coffee + tea + melon = 50kcal
l - little bit of pasta + cucumber + Orange = 200kcal
d - (salald + orange?)

Thinspo - Skinny girls that i know







♥

EDIT 2: arghhh my stomach is rumbling soo much.

I WANT HIPBONES. when my stomach looks like this i'll get my belly pierced

argh i gained a little.... cos i went out to dinner with my friend last night to our favourite restaurant..
anyways im starting a fast today!! i feel soo ill so i have no appetite anyways so i guess thats good... the only bad thing is my throat is SO painful.

i've thought about what my motivation should be and i've decided when i get to 100lb i'll buy myself a new guitar!!!

thinspo: Asian models!









♥